We live in a culture where honoring authority feels like an archaic ideal, an outdated concept from a previous generation. Respect for political, institutional, and even religious authority is at an all-time low. But followers of Jesus are called to live in a countercultural way, one that honors the authorities God has placed over us, beginning with our parents, out of reverence for our ultimate authority: God the Father. So what does it look like to live out the 4th Commandment “Honor your father and your mother” in a world where honor feels optional?

Romans 12:2

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Exodus 20:12

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Deuteronomy 5:16

Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Matthew 15:1-9

Traditions and Commandments

15 Then Pharisees and scribes came to Jesus from Jerusalem and said, 2 “Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat.” 3 He answered them, “And why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? 4 For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ 5 But you say, ‘If anyone tells his father or his mother, “What you would have gained from me is given to God,” 6 he need not honor his father.’ So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God. 7 You hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, when he said:

8 ‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me;

9 in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.

Romans 13:1-2

Submission to the Authorities

13 Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.

For Adult Homes and Groups

1. According to Romans 12:2, Christians are called to resist the patterns of the world. In today’s culture, where honor often feels optional or conditional, how can a life marked by genuine honor and respect serve as a countercultural witness?

2. Why do you think God attaches a promise to the command to honor our parents in Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16? What might this reveal about the importance of honor in shaping healthy individuals, families, and societies?

3. In Matthew 15:1-9, Jesus confronts the religious leaders for appearing to honor God while neglecting true honor for their parents. How might we fall into a similar trap today - doing religious or spiritual things outwardly, but neglecting obedience in our closest relationships?

4. Romans 13:1-2 teaches us that God establishes authority, even when human leaders are imperfect. How do we wrestle with the command to honor those in authority when we disagree with them or see their flaws? What does it look like to honor without blind obedience?

For Families with Kids

1. Read and memorize the 4th Commandment. 

2. What do you think it means to “honor” your parents? How is this different from just “obeying” them?

3. Does this commandment apply to adults or just children? Why?

4. How can you honor your parents even when you might disagree? How can you show honor to other authority figures (teachers, leaders, etc.)?

5. Parents, think about ways you can support your children in keeping this commandment, especially when it’s difficult. Pray the Lord’s Prayer together.